Loss of Control

By Mike King, ACE Certified

I was plugging on the Elliptical machine this morning, grooving to the beat of my beloved mp3 player when a song by Simon and Garfunkle began to play. I was surprised because this wasn’t the type of song that is a usual a part of my aerobic routine, but as I stayed with the song and listened to it again for the first time, a knowing smile crossed my face as I once again contemplated the mysteries of my life. I began to see that this non-aerobic song, the “Sounds of Silence,” related to both my upcoming article on Loss of Control and my personal relationship with Loss of Control as well.

The idea for an article on Loss of Control began because we get a lot of questions from people wondering if there is a good way to know if someone is overdoing an exercise program, and, as a coach I occasionally see people who seem to be pushing the envelope of good health. Most of the questions usually come from someone worried about a friend or family member, but sometimes they are asking questions about themselves. How much is too much? Usually my first answer is to consider Loss of Control.

Loss of Control can be thought of as this: I continue a behavior beyond my intent and despite negative consequences. I want to change something in my life but for some reason I don’t seem to be able to. Loss of Control is also one of the diagnostic measures of addiction, whether the addiction is exercise, food, sex, gambling, drugs, alcohol, or one of many other addictive behaviors that are prevalent today.

Here’s one example: I’ve told myself I am going start walking 5 days a week for 30 to 45 minutes each day. I have a lot of good reasons to add exercise in my life and it seems a logical goal. I know that if I budget my time well I can do it while maintaining a good balance in my life. I have a job and a family and although my time is valuable I know that with 2 to 3 hours of exercise each week I’ll be happier and healthier. But instead, the following happened: I’ve had so much fun and gotten such good feelings from my efforts that I’m now walking 7 days a week for 90 minutes. I’m losing weight too. Physically it feels great but when I take a close look at my life I begin to see negative consequences. My kids are eating fast food because I don’t have time to cook; my spouse is coming home later and later because I’m too busy and the whole household is disorganized and I don’t have time to help with reading or other homework. What I’ve done is to lose the balance in my life that I know is so important to me. I knew I only had so much time to exercise and keep my life in balance. I am experiencing loss of control. If I can’t return to what I told myself was okay then I may be addicted to my workout and I might need help to stop.

Now, maybe I can rearrange some things in my life and do the 90-minute 7-day a week program, and if I can, great, because remember it’s about my intention, not necessarily someone else’s intention. Asking for, and listening for feedback can be a good thing.

Another example of Loss of Control is my knee is hurting and I seek medical advice, but what I hear is not what I want to hear. They want me to take some time off. I keep exercising. I power through the pain but my gait has changed and I’m feeling other aches from over-compensation. But I’m still doing it! What usually happens, however, is that at some point my body will shut down and I’m in for a long rehabilitation, if I don’t trade my exercise in for some other potentially negative or addictive behavior first. The negative consequences of Loss of Control are apparent to me now. Why do I keep repeating this behavior?

I’ll comment on one final point regarding Loss of Control. What does it mean when I keep making myself promises but don’t follow through? Do New Year’s resolutions ring a bell here? Is it Loss of Control if I keep telling myself I will change but I don’t? Loss of Control can be a tricky thing for us to see. If we don’t ask for, or accept, feedback from others it can take a lot longer to identify potential problems, if we ever do.

In my opinion, exercise addiction seems to have an equal or greater shame based component than other addictions. These folks have unrealistic expectations for themselves and often engage in negative self-talk, commonly saying things such as “I’m not good enough if I don’t complete this walk and others will think less of me and if others think less of me I think less of myself” and you’ll hear words such as need, must, should. This type of shaming self-talk is not only harmful to our well being but usually not true. Our misperceptions are acquired during a lifetime of events and can be very hard for us to see.

I also see people who are trying to achieve a great goal, such as a marathon, who try to work through injury because they believe if they don’t follow “the schedule” they won’t make it to the finish line. I’ve rarely seen a schedule that can’t be adjusted for the individual. Loss of Control in this example is that they entered a program to learn but can’t or won’t accept help. The good news is that there is usually always another race, another time to try again.

My goal in presenting this information isn’t to shame anyone who is experiencing Loss of Control but for folks to use its principles as a tool to achieve the balance in your life that you deserve. The concept of Loss of Control can provide us with valuable information about how we are living our lives. Are we living on our terms, with our intentions, or are we being directed by something else?