It's Not
About
the Scale

By Karen Preston

Karen lives, plays, and works
in Portland. A member of TOPS (Take Off Pounds Sensibly), she also founded Pounders, a weight-loss support group focusing on being fit through exercise and healthly lifestyle changes. Her story
was recently featured in Self magazine (September 2003).

I still find each
day too short for
all the thoughts
I want to think,
all the walks I want
to take, all the books
I want to read and
all the friends
I want to see. 

— John Burroughs

Setting Boundaries

In my last column I explained how I arrange to meet a walking partner to spur me out for my early morning walks. Mary and I still walk one day a week at 5:45am. I now meet four different walking partners on four different days of the week. I’m much more likely to roll out of bed and exercise if I know I have someone waiting outside my door. What a wonderful way to connect with supportive friends! I come away feeling energized and ready to attack the day.

On the flip side of the coin are the people and tasks that drain energy from you. There are people who steal your time or sabotage your efforts to lose weight, or there are tasks that demand all your attention making it difficult to find time for yourself. When you’re in the process of losing weight, it’s important to surround yourself with positive and supportive friends who will encourage you every step of the way. You also need to have time to exercise and plan and prepare healthy meals. Obviously setting appropriate boundaries is important for all of us, but crucial when losing weight.
One of the hardest skills for me, a perennial people pleaser, was to learn to say “No.” We all get asked to take on volunteer jobs but need to balance that with protecting our time. A wonderful tip is to tell the person requesting a commitment that you always sleep on decisions and will give them an answer the next day. That gives you space to consider your schedule and more importantly your priorities. Do you have the time to take on a new task and still manage everything else you do?

Recently a friend asked me to join a singing group with her Tuesday nights. I’ve always loved to sing and I’m currently free on Tuesdays, but what about all the other things I want to do in my free time? Hard as it was, I needed to say, “No.” Singing with a group will stay on my list of fun things to try in the future. I know that if I over commit my time I’ll feel stressed and guess where that leads me? Right back to emotional eating!

Some people are saboteurs. They may be blunt or they may be sneaky but their end goal is to force you off your healthy eating and exercise plan. Perhaps they bring you goodies, killing you with kindness. Saboteurs may be afraid of what will happen when you lose weight and become healthy. Will they lose your time, friendship, or love?

An acquaintance of mine found herself at odds with her old drinking buddies when she started losing weight. They had a long-standing commitment to go barhopping one evening a week, but now she didn’t indulge in the bar food and drinks. Her friends were overweight and uncomfortable that she was making changes.

Protecting yourself in this kind of situation means either confronting the people involved or making the choice to end the friendship if they persist. That’s always hard for me, but I try to remember that the most important relationship I must cultivate is the one with myself. If I don’t advocate for myself, who will? There’s a wonderful quote by Martin Rutte: “You train people how to treat you by how you treat yourself.”

I plan to treat myself very well this summer, how about you?