Guts to Glory

Anything is Possible

All my life pain has been my friend, my knee brace simply an extension of myself. Four years ago, I had reconstructive surgery to correct the offending defect in my left knee. Two thirds of my knee cap was removed. The remaining piece was reshaped, realigned, and all the connecting fibers reattached. The procedure left me scared and uncertain of my future. But my surgeon drastically underestimated my heart and my desire to achieve. In fact, he flat out laughed in my face and told me that any type of competitive sport would now be impossible.

Kristin Lee (left) and friend Melissa on the first day of training.

I let that word — impossible — haunt my every waking moment. Devastation is not a strong enough word for the darkness I felt. Sports have always been part of my life, my release, my way to cope with pain both physically and emotionally. I fought with the concept of impossible for a long time. It took training for my first half marathon to remind me what a strong word impossible is, and to remember that it is not in my vocabulary.

After intensive physical therapy, I was warned my knee is very fragile. I could shatter my remaining knee cap with one false step. That reality scared me to death. But I’ve spent the last few years in personal reflection attempting to overcome fear in order to fully embrace my life. Training for my first half marathon was just another step on that life-affirming journey.

To my astonishment, after just one warm up lap at my first day of practice, I shed my knee brace, finding it was more cumbersome than helpful, and I will never look back.

It was freeing to remove the appendage that had been stuck to me for most of my life, finding I was finally strong enough to do what my surgeon and doctors thought was impossible. And admittedly what I thought was impossible. Pain is still a friend that I have a healthy respect for. As I log intense miles preparing for the half marathon ahead I do so secure in the belief that I am an athlete and no one can take that drive away from me. I can honestly say that when I walk I am full of hope.

I’m not the typical image of a marathon athlete. I’m not thin, and I’m definitely not a runner. What I am is a plus size woman. I rock my curves. I eat carbs shamelessly, especially before long or intense walks to fuel my body, my muscles, heart, and soul. That’s what marathons are really about, heart and soul. Finding the strength within to put one foot in front of the other and endure when the challenge seems impossible.

Five months ago I hated walking a mile, let alone 13. Today I eagerly anticipate my long Saturday walks. I make each week a personal challenge to see just how far I can go. Walking has become my drug of choice to dissipate the pain I feel from the arthritis in my reconstructed knee. It is my release when the world is crazy. I know at the end of the day no matter how boisterously my muscles ache, or how loud my feet are screaming at me — I’ve endured some major nerve and tendon damage in my feet while training this season — that none of this would be possible if I didn’t believe in myself and my abilities.

The reality is that I could take one wrong step and my knee would have to be replaced with an artificial one. Instead of letting that frighten me I look at it realistically; if it’s meant to happen it will do so inevitably. In the meantime, why not make the most of my life and live?

Training for a half marathon saved my life by giving me something to believe in. In owning my pain instead of letting it control me through fear, I have embraced the journey ahead of me. Each mile I log revives my self esteem. Each step brings me closer to the realization that I really can walk a marathon; I can break through barriers and achieve the impossible. I know the passion and the drive that resides in my heart. In October I completed one of the hardest half marathons around, the Nike Women’s Marathon in San Francisco. When I crossing the finish line I am a living testament that anything is possible.

Kristin Lee maintains an inspirational blog and is an emerging novelist. A native Oregonian she loves the outdoors and cherishes her family. Learn more about this author at www.kristinllee.wordpress.com.