Postures of Respect

By Kim Cottrell

Did you just return from a walk? While you were out there, did respect (an esteem or sense of worth you have for yourself as a person) influence how you moved? In other words, did you walk or hike along your chosen path with some degree of consideration and kindness toward yourself?

After all, why do you walk? What motivates you to go on a hike? Are you walking to lose weight, all the while feeling disgusted and guilty because you feel like you should be thinner? Do you walk with comfort or in a way that pushes you past your physical capabilities?

As you sort through the storylines of what motivates you to walk, really listen and you’ll know if respect is part of your consideration of self. If so, what does that look like and how does it show up in your walking? Do you stop before you get hurt? On a hike, do you rest when you need it? Or, do you encourage others to rest because you can see that they need it, but then push yourself to go on when you really need to rest too? Looking even deeper, where is respect evident in your daily life?

Most of us learn easily to respect others and to give them our respect. My husband recently went to sit with his mother while his stepfather underwent a surgical procedure. He’s respectful of his stepfather and of his mother’s need for companionship while she waits. Always thinking of others, it’s less often he respects himself. Once in awhile, my go-go-go husband will park in front of ESPN to watch a game. On those nights, I know he needs to recharge and that in doing so he’s respecting self.

It has been said that when you love yourself, others can love you. Respect seems like it works that way too. When you respect yourself, you carry yourself in a more positive way. And when you respect yourself, you send a signal to others that you’re comfortable with your self-image and how you relate to the world. Likely, the other person feels more willing to relax into the relationship knowing they won’t be responsible for monitoring your well-being.

Two years ago, newly remarried with an instant family, I struggled to find where to fit in with the daily rituals and new culture. In my enthusiasm, I put my own activities on hold and immersed myself in doing things with my husband and his kids. At a business meeting, I was sharing a family story and one woman, a physician, observed that I was in danger of neglecting myself. She noted that she could tell when her patients quit taking care of themselves. They purchased new clothes for their kids but not for themselves. They neglected their hair and personal care. They quit wearing jewelry and they wore sweatshirts and sneakers for all their activities. It was true, I had fallen into putting everyone else first, a choice that disrespected me and my basic needs.

Maurice Lamm, author of the Power of Hope, writes that we show our hope and our self respect by getting up each day and dressing for what may come. By doing so, we give support to the self. Perhaps, the ritual of readying for the day will stand us in good stead during our current times, times filled with political and economic struggle in our local communities and across the nation. While it seems as though our individual efforts aren’t seen, we can get up each morning and tend to ourselves and give to others from our posture of self-respect.

The value of a daily ritual isn’t defined by the particular clothes one chooses, but rather by the value quality of time spent tending the self. Even as our house plants need water, light, and an occasional pruning, so too do we. What if you take yourself on your next walk with the same respect you extend to your belongings and cherished family and friends? What will your posture look like then?

Kim Cottrell, is a Feldenkrais practitioner and has been teaching self-image and body-image workshops for many years. Recently, she’s included topics such as grief and connecting to the human spirit to address the needs of our times. Kim coaches half-marathon walkers and contributes regularly to Walk About and other local publications. For more information visit www.kimcottrell.com.