Living the Life of Your Dreams
Part Two: Transforming Fear

By Darla Meulemans

In Part I of “Living the Life of Your Dreams,” (March/April 2005) I discussed the value of raising your awareness and awakening to your inner wisdom. I took a closer look at the simple truth that everything we need is within us, and creative insight and solutions are always available through a quiet mind. Through this realization, you will begin to listen to and trust the quiet voice of wisdom within yourself. The more you remember that you are the creator of your experience and that it all begins with your state of mind, the more you will find yourself moving through even the darkest moments of life with grace.

So, as you begin to recognize your creative power, you will bring your awareness to how strong you are in your creation. So choose the path you want to take. What is it that inhibits you from reaping the benefit of being who you really are? The simple and the complex answer to this question is fear. Fear is the only reason why you are not living the life of your dreams.

Let me first say that if you or someone you know has experienced a severely traumatic event, the healing may take longer and in no way do I intend to minimize the pain you may experience as a result. However, I would still like to guide you to see that transforming your fear begins with accepting that fear is a state of mind resulting from misguided thoughts and beliefs. These misguided thoughts and beliefs obstruct your path to living a fulfilled existence.

Fear draws you away from accessing the wisdom within yourself. I encourage you to see that circumstances and events outside of yourself are not the reasons you continue to be stuck and are not the source of your fear. Fear results from a habitual choice of buying into negative thoughts and beliefs. As indicated in the recent film, What the Bleep Do We Know?, when we think negative thoughts over and over again, a pattern or neuro-network forms in our brain. This makes it easier to think those negative thoughts again. However, as you recognize that negative thoughts are what create your fear and unhappiness, you can begin to exercise your freedom to choose differently. You can choose to let negative and limiting thoughts pass because there is an unlimited source of new thoughts available to you through your wise mind. You may still have fearful thoughts, but they don’t have to have a hold on you and rule your life.

Sadness, anger, anxiety, and negativity are all derivatives of fear. When they persist, it can make for a pretty miserable existence. However, we all deserve to live a life free from emotional pain and suffering. When you believe this — “I deserve to be free from pain and suffering,” you will stop creating pain and suffering for yourself. Stop believing, “No pain. No gain.” We use this at times to motivate us to finish the long walk or do those five extra reps at the gym. But this, or some other belief, contributes to thinking and believing that “Life is hard.” These thoughts and beliefs are the source of our fear. Difficult and challenging circumstances arise in life, but you have a choice to allow them to bring you down, or make you stronger. It’s about perspective.

Fear is a choice — conscious or unconscious. By being aware and increasing your consciousness about the power of thought, you will begin to understand and embrace your fear, rather than running from it. You will begin to see that you can transform your fear into creative energy because fear is simply a gross misunderstanding and misinterpretation of the truth. This misinterpretation of the truth is what Don Miguel Ruiz in his books, The Four Agreements and The Mastery of Love, calls “domestication.”

Domestication results when we buy into certain ideas and beliefs that our parents, teachers, and society have innocently imposed on us in an effort to help us. These beliefs are not always reflective of the truth. One example of how we develop misguided beliefs, outlined by Ruiz, is as follows: A young child is running wild and free, playing and laughing with her parents, who chase her with love and joy. This innocent child is just simply experiencing life to the fullest. The child runs close to the road and her parents chase her, which makes her laugh even harder and run even faster. They become scared and sweep her up with intense fear and scold her. The young child is shocked by the extreme change she senses and feels from them. They scold her only because they want her to learn not to play near traffic. However, she misinterprets their anger and negative emotion and instead she begins to believe that, “All good things must come to an end.” She believes, “When you enjoy something too much, you get punished.” This belief may be stored in her memory and becomes a sensitive wound that never heals unless she looks to understand. As her life unfolds, this belief may be triggered from time to time when she finds herself enjoying life but then something bad happens. This reinforces her thinking and creates an automatic response that she becomes fearful whenever she experiences something fun, or loving. She is always waiting for the other shoe to drop and always expecting the worst. Because this is her state of mind, this is how she uses her creative power and thus creates pain and hardship for herself.

All of the ideas we have and all of the experiences we go through in life become incorporated into the way we view the world. When we erroneously hold these ideas as “truths,” rather than seeing that they are self-limiting beliefs, we create fear that manifests
as pain and suffering, emotionally and physically. When we remember that fear is the result of our misguided thoughts, we allow ourselves to wait for those thoughts to pass and choose to magnify thoughts of a different quality. Accepting, facing and embracing our fear through understanding the source of our beliefs and thinking, allows us to experience more joy, peace, and love. Love is the antithesis of fear and is the natural by-product of a clear and quiet mind.

Darla Meulemans, M.A., founder of Northwest Insight LLC, is a master’s trained counselor and life coach who works with individuals and organizations to foster resilience, promote mental well being, and enhance the quality of living. She can be reached at 503-757-9557 or darla@nwinsight.com.